Relaxed

Yesterday, I had to go with my sister and kids up north a little ways to our chiropractor (the others were with me due to a later destination that was then canceled due to rain). Anyway, our chiropractor is about 15 miles from our house—usually a 25-minute drive during bad rush hour.

It took us 65 minutes to get home. Even after the rain cleared. Amazing.

But it was okay. We had a fun drive just relaxing in the car at 5 mph… it took 45 minutes to go the first six miles; 20 minutes to go the rest of the way after I got off the interstate at the next exit.

As we were going along, probably after about four miles, a few people decided it would be better to drive on the margin—maybe create a new lane and such. After a couple of these went by, I and a few of those around me pulled partway over to block any such further intrusion. Most of the offenders heeded this signal and merged back into the normal traffic paths. But as is often the case, one holdout, a white Sentra, lingered on.

Then we came to a parked car in the margin and had to get back in our lanes. Nobody would let Sentra back in, though, but that didn’t seem to phase her a bit: she just pulled around on the grass, and resumed her marginal journey. Naturally, I eased back onto the margin to block this “extra lane.”

She went around me on the grass.

Not only that, but it was just the sweetest- (if not the brightest-) looking older lady. Probably early 60’s. And not in a hurry at all, either; she was just moseying along on the margin and grass as if it was normal.

My sister said she even visibly jumped when I honked my horn as she went by. Amazing.

 

Double Negative

Everyone knows you’re not supposed to use double negatives. Never. Not at all. At least, not by yourself.

There may be a place for a joint use of them, however: when Ciera pulls out in front of you (negative honk). Complying with the audible signal of his stupidity, he stops, causing sudden disruption of my forward momentum (negative honk). He then proceeds to deposit himself in the center turn lane—admittedly a great location for him, and if he had thought of that originally, he would’ve saved us all the trouble.

Honk honk. We should definitely give him a double negative.

 

Hope It Don’t Rain

My homeward commute today took me via the back roads, as a mid-afternoon disabled truck managed to disable the interstate, too. As I was driving up a road near my house, I came upon a ‘Y’ intersection (I was coming up from the bottom) where the right-leaning path I was taking always has a green arrow. The left-leaning path was, as it often is, stopped by a red light.

As I neared this fork in the road, a cream ES circled around in a parking lot to my right, and without any hesitation (or consideration, apparently) pulled onto the street. At first I thought she was turning left, which would’ve sent her the opposite direction, but no, she wants to go on the left-leaning path. Unfortunately, she’s pulling out of the parking lot dead-even with the back end of the car stopped at the light. So she just stops, blocking the road.

Naturally, I have no wish to t-bone her for dinner, so I grudgingly bring the Odyssey to a halt near her driver-side doors. I also signal with my horn, to let her know she’s not driving with the greatest of consideration for her fellow man. I soon discovered why.

She turned and gaped at me with a young-man-how-could-you-do-such-an-ungallant- thing-as-to-honk-at-a-lady look, and pointed her nose a little farther in the air (if possible).

So I honked again as I drove around her.

 

Time to Party

Don’t you hate being at a social function and really feeling out of your element? Maybe you don’t really know folks, or you don’t really have a lot in common with them, or it’s just not your type of party. What’s worse, though, is when someone else like that is at an event, and doesn’t even know it. They strut about in the wrong attire, or they jabber on about something in their life that nobody cares about, or they pick up the fine hors d’oeuvres with their fingers (okay, so I’ve done that—shut up).

Anyway, I think those are the same type of people I saw this morning in the left lane on the interstate (two separate specimens): driving along all happy and stuff, and then they slow down and put their signal on, hoping for a space to merge. This is rush hour, people—nobody’s going to just let you in! And then to top it off, after hoping for awhile, they off’d the signal and sped on for awhile… then did it again!

You’re right, Uncle Steve. My expectations are too high sometimes.

 

Scientific Discovery

For all you dingbats out there: sometimes, when the earth is parched and haze is pervasive, there is a substance created by Divine Providence to help remedy this depressing situation. It falls from the clouds, and alleviates the above problems, while also freshening the air.

It’s called rain. You’ve seen it before. You’ll see it again.

AND YOU CAN STILL DRIVE LIKE NORMAL ALREADY!!

 

The Dilemma

Sometimes, I think people wish they could drive in all three lanes, just so they could be sure they’re in the fastest one when they find out which one it is. In and out, in and out. Or just hover over the line for awhile to see if you can find out before you commit to one or the other. There’s people who drive with no premeditation whatsoever, but I think the ones with only premeditation are worse…

 

Ha Ha, You Lose

On my journey home this afternoon, I headed down the entrance ramp behind a green Caravan of somewhat dubious driving intelligence. He had already been observed to weave out of his lane, only to get right back in when he discovered the lane was ending just past the large “lane ends” sign.

But as we reached the end of the ramp and approached the very slow traffic, he finally saw his chance. The moment concrete barriers were no longer in his way, he crossed the white lines and broke into traffic. He had arrived. I sedately proceeded to the end of the ramp, and merged into traffic as my turn came.

I merged in just ahead of him.

 

Now That’s Bad

After leaving the interstate, we were going through a nice little suburb on a five lane road: two lanes each way, plus a sometimes-dedicated turn lane. Traffic was a lot heavier in that particular area than I’d ever seen it before at this time of day, but oh well. As we proceeded, we crossed an intersection, after which, for a good couple-hundred yards, the turn lane was dedicated to the oncoming traffic.

Several cars in front of us, a black Civic tired of waiting his turn, and that Arby’s must be reached immediately. In accordance with this intent, he pulled into the dedicated turn lane, and took off.

Just as four oncoming cars simultaneously deposited themselves into the turn lane in his path.

Needless to say, our Civic idiot got back in our lane with much braking and jerking of the wheel. He had passed one or two cars. My wife, witnessing the entire occurrence, gasped and said “Oh my.”

Now, if my wife, notices outrageous traffic actions with disdain, particularly while she’s not driving, you can definitely say it is utter idiocy.